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    Everything posted by ImposterCauster

    1. [2021] Bottom Ten Power Rankings: Week 1

      Sometimes in life, you have to learn to embrace the suck. Every team wants its fair share of fame and glory, winning trophies and becoming household names. Here's a chance for the little guys to get just that, if by trophies you mean a leather boot or something, and if by household names, you mean on the tip of everyone's tongue when "The Bottom 10" is brought up in conversation. Yes, this is truly the best of the best worst of the worst; a truly magical place where the forgettable 1-2 win teams can finally be remembered. Our Week 1 list is sponsored by Paul Davenport Fund, whose sole purpose is to provide the Giants with enough money to end the Davenport holdout. Also included in our sponsors is, as always, Imposter Studios. Now on to our coveted list. *Disclaimer: this list is all satire and not meant to call coaches out for being bad or to hop on the circle jerk against people. This is my list simply to poke fun at teams for either being bad or for having very questionable results. 1. Charlotte 0-and-1ers (0-1) I found myself amongst a crowd of Charlotte fans while studying for finals. As it turns out, they were just waiting for the Hornets' game to come on, but they all gasped when offensive tackle Elliot Doss went down with a "notable" injury. I looked over to see a few shrugs and hear a few groans, but a certain fan approached me and asked a very eye-opening question. "Where would we be without Billings?" Well, I can tell you that you guys are losing to App State with Billings, so I don't want you to think about where you'd be without him. But hey, I heard the Giants are looking for a quarterback, Chris. At least they have an offensive line to protect you! 2. South Alabama Baguars (0-1) There weren't many disastrous results in these opening weeks, but something tells me that the people of Mobile, Alabama and Columbia, South Carolina have a thing for the antichrist. Whereas the Gamecocks found pleasure in taking a stick to the new kids in the South, the Baguars found immense pleasure in sacrificing their possession to appease their god, which at this point might be Khan, the three-year old jaguar located in Birmingham. 3. UMess Minutemen (0-1) They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. The mighty offense of UMess tried to ignore that saying, switching up offensive schemes from the smashmouth-like style from a year ago to a more air raid-like style to open this season. Unsurprisingly, UMess continued to look like a mess, turning the ball over a stunning four times as those pesky Wolf Pack out of Reno ran away in their home opener. Look on the bright side UMess! You might've affected their game against Troy next week. That's a win, right? 4. Liberty Flamed Out (0-1) It's not often that I complement a new team for a performance. After all, Liberty was expected to get blown out in most of their games this year. Through the first quarter, they were looking legit enough to possibly win a game or two. Then came the dreaded second quarter, where the offensive line lived up to the team name and flamed out. It was truly a sight to behold; it was so mesmerizing that I just had to include Liberty on here. 5. UNLV Reb-Ls (0-1) Noel Minor was a major part of whatever this team called an offense. His departure last season left the Reb-Ls with the classy Emmanuel Turner-Darby, giving UNLV a goal to meet in every game. If the Reb-Ls can score more points than Turner-Darby has names, they can consider that game a moral victory. So really they should be 1-0 after doubling that count against BYU, yes? 6. UAB Blamers (0-1) Similarly to the Reb-Ls, the Blamers also brought in a three-named player to run the offense, this time in radioactive quarterback Elijah Currie-Madison, who also happens to be majoring in chemistry at the university. After watching Currie-Madison and the Lamers struggle early and often to keep up with Oregon State, I had to ask myself why Currie-Madison doesn't make radioactive spiders or something and help his team figure out how to play football. Then I realized that movies don't define real life and I should stick to watching football. Then I realized that football wasn't being played in this game. 7. Tulame (0-1) The Green Wave of Tulame had to make the short-ish trip to Houston to play the Rice Owls this weekend. I've heard from my always-reliable sources in New Orleans that Tulame likes to enter the stadium on actual waves, which is pretty sweet in theory. Unfortunately, you can lose stuff in the waves if you're not careful, and Tulame just happened to lose their entire defense before stepping on to the field. 8. Boys of Troy (0-1) People stressed their concern about this list being full of Sun Belt teams. I'm not that much of a hater, but I had to select the Boys of Troy Trojans after losing arguably the most winnable game on their schedule in ULM, and in overtime nonetheless. Fear not, Boys of Troy. The people of CFBHC are already circling the Bottom Ten Game of the Year in Week 12, when your Boys of Troy travel to Amherst to take on might UMess. 9. FA-Yew Fighting Randys (0-1) It sucks to end up on here because your coach left you for a better team right before the opening of the season. It's like a bad breakup from your end while your partner really couldn't care less after only being there for a season. They may have been winners on the recruiting trail last year, but it's still going to take a while for that to show on the field, so we're gonna get to see the FA-Yew of old for a long time, assuming they don't find a coach somehow. FA-Yew was never going to be great, but surely they wouldn't have lost to Utah State if randy was there, right? Right?! 10. South Flawrida (0-1) The Bulls of South Flawrida recruited the help of Wile E. Coyote after losing a lot of talent from their 11-win season last year. The traps they set for the UTSA Roadrunners were about as effective as they were when Mr. Coyote deployed them against Road Runner. For anyone without a sense of culture, this means that UTSA pretty much avoided these traps en route to a victory over South Flawrida. Needless to say, USF should probably get rid of Mr. Coyote if they expect to win games they're supposed to win this year. Honorable Mentions: Cincinnati Bearcats Redhawks (0-1), O-1DU (0-1), Tulsa Golden HurriCanes (0-1), State of Kent (0-1), Build-An-OLineTM (0-1) Editor's Note: Let me know what you think in the comments and what I can improve on when it comes to these. I'm always looking to improve the media I put out!
    2. [2021] Bottom Ten Power Rankings: Week 1

      At least this line has some upside. I was referring to Charlotte's but this works just as well
    3. [2021] Bottom Ten Power Rankings: Week 1

      I wish so too but I ultimately put it up to a site vote. It was close but our option just missed out
    4. [2021] Bottom Ten Power Rankings: Week 1

      Loser is guaranteed in the Bottom Ten
    5. [2021] Key CFBHC Injuries (Week 2)

      QB Ryder Shipman - Moderate Thumb Fracture Shipman was reported to have fractured his thumb when his hand collided with the helmet of an Iowa pass rusher late in the third quarter. Despite playing through to the end in the victory over the Hawkeyes, Shipman will be ruled out of action until Week 5, missing key SEC West clashes against top-ranked Auburn and currently sixth-ranked LSU before returning against unranked Boston College. Junior quarterback Lucas Varner will assume the starting role for the 24th-ranked Bulldogs in this pivotal two-game stretch.
    6. Agreed. Dropping them a spot or two is fine, but dropping them seven spots is a little extreme...
    7. [2021] Week 1 Headlines

      W Doesn't Stand for Wideout Jamaal Brown-Sanderson cuts past a Washington defensive back to score his first receiving touchdown of the year. Saints edge Washington in season-opener, lose yet another receiver to injury
    8. [2021] Week #1 - 4 PM

      Check the GroupMe. He's not out for the year thankfully
    9. [2021] Week #1 - 4 PM

      FUCK YOU PIPE I JUST WANT A HEALTHY NON-JENKINS RECEIVER ggs Washington. Bowman has some promise
    10. [2021] Week #1 - Saturday Morning

      Jacob....are you okay?
    11. [2021] Week #1 - FNF

      Delete this
    12. You have seen our roster right? Sterling Brown exists
    13. [2021] Injured Reserve

      Saints place TE Patrick Glass 6-6 203 1 Mississippi State [Receiving] 79 On Injured Reserve He suffered a Severe Foot Fracture in Week 3 of the Preseason and is out until Week 12 of the Regular Season.
    14. [2021] ACC Statbook

      The new and improved ACC Statbook for the 2021 Season: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1-t_B7Q7Wu5qNnp_ITqTgyaeV4esoZc34cjMGLc0QJrw/edit?usp=sharing Now featuring overall team stats (offense, defense, conversions, penalties) + more in-depth return stats.
    15. [2021] Week #0 - FNF

      He did have a higher YPC behind a weaker OL in this game, but by god was this a great game if you're a fan of old-fashioned football
    16. Brisket or Pulled Pork?

      As a citizen of the United States of America, it is my DUTY as a member of this great country to select pulled pork as the favorite over this brisket abomination
    17. [2021] Pre-Season Week #3 - 1 PM

      Yeah but how good is he in NFLHC?
    18. [2021] Injured Reserve

      Saints place WR Steve Alexander 6-6 184 5 Florida [Target] 80 On Injured Reserve He suffered a Severe ACL Rupture in Week 1 of the Preseason and is out for the entire season
    19. [2021] Preseason All-American Team

      Emmanuel McDermott might be here one day. Need him to have a great season tbh Same goes for Jabari Scott
    20. [2021] Bubada's C-USA Projections

      He was going to, but he changed his mind
    21. [2021] NFLHC Key Injuries: Preseason Week 1

      This upsets me greatly