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Ape last won the day on September 7

Ape had the most liked content!

About Ape

  • Rank
    "Whiny Fake Irish Ass"
  • Birthday 04/26/1991

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Interests
    History, Politics, Movies


  • Favorite Team
    Notre Dame / Illinois State / Northwestern / Washington State

Coaching Information

  • Offense
  • Defense
  • Special Teams
  • Clock Mgmt
  • Discipline
  • Youth Mgmt
  • CFBHC Career
    Notre Dame Fighting Irish (2013-2018), Washington State Cougars (2018-2021), Texas Longhorns (2021-Present)
  • NFLHC Career
    Green Bay Packers Owner/GM (2014-2018), Indianapolis Colts GM (2019-Present)
  • Achievements
    1x National Champion (2016), 1x Pac 12 Champion (2019)
  • Feat #1
    Flexible Resistance (+3)
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    Local Connections (1x Recruit)

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  1. If you told me I was going to be 2-2 after 4 games I would have thought I lost to UTSA and TCU. Weird ass shit. changes coming
  2. Welcome back. Before we jump right in lets look at TNF and see how the worlds most mediocre prognosticator did. UCF -18.5: Luca Spurlock put a hurting on that Houston defense with 3 rushing TDs. Houston looked flat again and UCF covered easily. 1 W NIU -15: lol nope. Hey NIU try running the ball. 1 L KSU -22: doesnt matter that I didn’t understand who they were playing because they shut them the fuck out. 2 W FAU: ODU squeaked by FAU in a close conference matchup. Knew it was a coinflip to start oh well. 2 L ULM +24: UL-M defended their home turf and got the outright W. 3 W Ball State -10: Klemm didn’t cover to spite me. He won by 9 on purpose. 3 L CCU +2: South Bama came to play and won by 10. Props to them getting one in the win column. 4 L Texas State -17.5: ugly ugly game that had only 21 points scored, and not all by TSU. 5 L EWU -4.5: considering EWU went to 1-3 this one was ill informed. Sammy Connor is going to look great as someones development QB next year. 6 L 3-6 TNF Record (oof) 120-79-4 Overall Record Friday Night Football Cincinnati (1-2) at Tulsa (1-2) (-16.5) I don’t think Tulsa is over two touchdowns better than Cincy. I’m going to roll with the Bearcats. Cincy +16.5 Louisiana Tech (0-3) at Florida International (1-2) (-13) LT is trash. FIU has played like trash but I think they are better than that. FIU -13 Western Kentucky (0-3) at Liberty (0-3) (+22) I dont think this will be that high scoring. I’ll pick Liberty getting over 3 TDs because Ive been burned by these big lines in shit games. Liberty +22 UTSA (1-2) at UAB (0-3) (-0.5) Roadrunners have had a tough OOC go of it but Radford looked great last time out. UTSA +.5 Akron (1-2) at Buffalo (0-3) (-2) I dont fucking know. Akron +2 Bowling Green (0-3) at Army (0-3) (-14.5) Army baby. Going to get in that win column. Army -14.5 New Mexico (0-3) at Colorado State (2-1) (-11) Sorry JarJar but going CSU pretty easily. CSU -11 Ole Miss (2-1) at Arkansas (1-2) (+7.5) I’m going to roll the dice on Arky. I dont trust Ole Miss. Arkansas +7.5 Georgia State (2-1) at Troy (0-3) (+2.5) To make up for yesterday GSU -2.5 Yale (0-3) at South Dakota State (1-2) (-11) SDSU -11. No explanation needed.
  3. Your resumes are similar right now also.
  4. Might need to get the Fed to raise rates. 5 YPC should put a shock into the economy
  5. Ape

    [2023] Week #5 - TNF

    0-3 v 0-3 will do that for you
  6. Don’t worry ya’ll your meme economy cornerstone still stands.
  7. They might as well be one school. They both suck and cant be trusted
  8. Welcome back in loyal readers of mediocre takes. Although there hasnt been an article for a while Ape was still making his picks known and his overall record for the season is now a respectable 117-73-4 Let’s take a look at TNF and get some of those hot takes. Thursday Night (10 Games) UCF (2-1) at Houston (1-2) (+18.5) Conference clash (P6!) I think that UCF is more well rounded, I’m not sure if they are 19 points better than Houston but the Cougs haven’t made any strong impressions this year. UCF -18.5 Georgia Tech (0-3) at Northern Illinois (1-2) (-15) A power 5 program on the road against a MAC team and getting over two touchdowns. Hard to believe but GT is in a very bad position. I think NIU wins this and I’m goingn to toll the dice on them covering NIU -15 Georgia Southern (1-2) at Kansas State (1-2) (-22) I don’t trust Georgia state for shit. K State has looked decent and I’m going to roll with them. KSU -22 Old Dominion (1-2) at Florida Atlantic (1-2) (E) I think FAU is the better team and is at home and this is a pick em so give me the Owls. FAU Southern Miss (2-1) at Louisiana-Monroe (1-2) (+24) I really don’t have a good grasp on Sun Belt and CUSA lines. I know Southern Miss is a much better team but on the road and giving 4 scores is a tough spot to pick. UL-M +24 Miami (OH) (0-3) at Ball State (1-2) (-10) Miami OH is trash and Ball State has looked decent. Klemm don’t let me down again. Ball State -10 Boise State (1-2) at New Hampshire (1-2) (N/A) Boise should win easy but this is a big test for Kenny Love. South Alabama (0-3) at Coastal Carolina (1-2) (+2) CCU has had a tough shake of it and USA just got their coach back. This is the most interesting game this slate to me. Give me the Home Dawg though. CCU +2 New Mexico State (0-3) at Texas State (0-3) (-17.5) Oof v Oof. Give me the experienced coach. Texas State -17.5 Eastern Washington (1-2) at James Madison (1-2) (+4.5) EWU has looked lost without a coach. Its a shame that Sammy Connor is going to waste. JMU also has been lost on offense. I just cant trust JMU to score at this point. EWU -4.5
  9. That totally exists guys we swear
  10. Austin, TX Welcome back to LHN’s continuing coverage of your Texas Longhorns. Since we last check in on our Longhorns they have played two conference games. One against #1 TCU and another against West Virginia. We’re going to detail some of that action and look at some of the standouts from the games. Week 3: TCU The Longhorns came into this rivalry game as over 15 point underdogs against the #1 team in the nation, TCU. The talk of the nation was all surrounding Sam Milner. How would he perform against his old team? Would he be able to elevate the team around him and pull off an upset? No one was sure heading into the Saturday evening matchup. This one was a classic folks. Coach Ape really had his team ready to go. This home opener was a special one for so many. The energy in the stadium was electric and the Freshmen were really ready to prove themselves. This showed as the Longhorns took a 14-10 lead into halftime. All cylinders were clicking for the Longhorns and they looked like they could be primed to upset the nations top team. The second half however didnt go as planned. The defense bent a little too much. Allowing 14 3rd quarter points that ended up being a large part of the difference in the end. The Longhorns had a chance to tie up the game with a Field Goal, Senior Devin Bollinger missed from 40 yards though and TCU was able to ice the game from there. Sealing a close 3 point victory for TCU. In the battle of QBs, Sam Milner was the winner stats wise. He was 20/29 for 236 and 3 TDs in the air and added 37 yards on the ground. The crucial stat though was his lost fumble, which lead to a TCU score. Milner endeared himself to the Longhorn faithful though with his performance and passion. He also was a leader on offense helping get the freshmen involved. Shaq Dixon had another 100 yard game, Dontae Alford had a rushing score as well. While they didn’t pull off the upset of the year, the Longhorns made waves and proved they will probably play better than their preseason projections. Week 4: @ West Virginia Coming off a loss the Longhorns were looking to prove that they could bounceback from disappointment. West Virginia was 0-2 but Large Dozen foes always play tough. This one wasn’t even close and the Longhorns dominated game flow. By halftime it was 21-3 and the Longhorns kept the pedal to the metal winning 35-10. This was the first game where Sam Milner wasn’t the main attraction. He still had a good game but True Freshmen Dontae Alford was the main star with a 19 for 127 and 2 TD performance. Once again playing his recruits paid dividends for Coach Ape. WVU looked overmatched and that can be seen by the INT by CB4 Dylan Verner (2.5/2.5). This was the feel good moment of the weekend for the program. The Run Down Through 3 Games Sam Milner, the real deal. Through 3 games here are his stats. 64/89 (71.91%) 785 Yards, 9 TDs 0 INTs 1 FUM 15 Rushes for 72 Yards There is 0 doubt that Milner is the BMOC. He has come to Austin to make a statement and build a resume for the NFL and he’s doing both. If this pace continues he will be on awards watchlists, no doubt Shaq Dixon, Freshmen Phenom Shaq Dixon has gone over 70 yards receiving each game. He has 330 receiving yards and 4 TDs. He is currently in the top 10 in the nation in that category. He has made an instant connection with Milner and even has advocates for his inclusion as a 3rd Down Back to get him the ball as much as possible. Defense, better than expected Coach Ape has made it an emphasis that he needs people to step up on defense. And through the first three games they have kept the Longhorns in every game. They were overmatched a bit against TCU but they made Taylor Cook look like the Freshmen that he is. They held down both UTSA and WVUs offense. Coach Ape is well known for getting as much as possible from his players and this defense is proof positive of that.
  11. I dont like this because I’m not ranked.
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