SAN JOSE, CA -- Rumors are circulating that embattled first-year coach @redeye4 may be eyeing a move from the furthest end of Silicon Valley. The coach was recently spotted in a conference with the school president and board of directors. Only one recording, made by a student waiting to pitch his 'sick startup idea that'll be the Uber of Crooting,' is available. It reveals a particularly heated exchange audible from the lobby, as transcribed below:
Board Member #1: "[sighing]... enough about that, we can talk about your training habits later. We need to have a talk about your coaching strategy. I understand that you wanted to run Vertical Offense, but why on earth would you choose Slightly More Pass on top of that? It was already a bit too pass-heavy for our comfort."
redeye4: "Well to be honest, I'm not sure that you understand the situation we have on the ground. When I came in we had a OL and TEs meant for some outside runs, but we don't have any starpower at RB and we have one (1) fullback... a Fr 2/2.5 [Pass Blocking], no less. We tried the run - "
Board Member #2: [interrupting] "Look, you need to figure out how to bring balance to this team. You were called 'one-dimensional' by the Colorado State coach, that's not a great look on us. And podcasts are saying that we should have been beaten down even MORE by SDSU. AND, on top of all that, I think we all agree that this year's round of croots are underwhelming to say the least."
redeye4: "I'll admit I could have been quicker to adapt our tactics, but when I came in you were handing out offers to 2s and 2.5s like they were Stefon Diggs. I'm not sure what you expected from me at that point. How did we even get C Nick Vaikauskas, the kid is a 5/5 true Junior. He should be playing out east! I honestly feel a little bad for him. Y'all brought me in mid-season; I saw a receiver corps, OL, and QB that work for vertical so that's what I played!"
Board Member #2: "[incredulous] You ran the ball once against New Mexico! You made Travis throw 68 passes in one goddamn game! Why the [expletive removed] do you think his arm made a popping sound every throw for the next two weeks? I bet we could go down the street and get Google to make a bot AI better than you!"
redeye4: "... you don't mean that."
Board Member #2: "You know what, the only game we won this season was while you weren't here. So yeah, you know what, I think I mean it."
At this point the coach leaves the room and the recording ends. Insiders report that the coach was recently overheard saying "... this school will never be THE Sparty..." while ordering ice cream from the local Salt & Straw. This news is surprising as he has previously expressed his pleasure with the Mountain West Conference as a whole.
There haven't been any formal announcements, but sources indicate that redeye4 may be eyeing Tulsa. When looking at the Job Market he is reported to have said "I can't believe FAU and Southern Miss have graduation rates below 50%, that's so sad. But look at Tulsa... quality education, good looks, and VERY well-endowed." We may be seeing this coach attempt to move from the sunny South Bay to Tornado Alley, a stormy destination that may be milder than the current conditions at the San Jose State coaching office.
Further updates will be posted when an official announcement is released.
Posted January 17th