Wrote this for some non sports fans. Let me know what you think.
The following contest is an ironman match set to American Football rules.
60 minutes of hard fought violence and bad blood between two of the National Football Leagues best teams for the World Heavyweight Championship, but how did it come to this?
Starting with the beginning of the year, the Philadelphia Santa Haters had their sights set on the WHC, never once waivering their doubt they would fight for the title, until that fateful day that the leader of their faction, Carson Wentz, was brutally attacked during a pre-qualifying match by the Los Angeles Billygoats. After taking a chairshot from the top rope to the knee, Wentz was done. The faction had to turn to a new leader thrust into a spotlight he had left once before, Nicholas Foles. His leadership did not inspire confidence and the Santa Haters limped into the Pay Per View. Nicholas heard all the shit talk, about how he was never a good leader, how the faction was doomed once again, and how he shouldnt have the keys to the kingdom. Letting the talk get to him, he had a poor performance against the Atlanta Dirty Birds, but his faction survived. Nicholas said no more. He blocked out the doom and gloom, found strength, and lead his team to a downright slaughter against the Minnesota Early Discoverers, a desperate franchise in their own right, a story for another day. The Santa Haters made it to the promised land for the first time in near a decade.
For the New England Evil Empire, the season started with praise for their last win of the WHC over the Dirty Birds. The season started rough with a bad loss to the Kansas City Arrowheads. People began to rejoyce quietly about the premature demise of the Evil Empire. Isnt that just the way? The rest of their matches went off without a hitch as talk shifted from the age of the leader of the faction back to their sheer dominance. Once at the Divisional Pay Per View, Thomas Brady torched the hapless Tenneessee Swords, who had no buisness being there anyway. The Conference Pay Per View proved to be a more formitable foe in the Jacksonville Kitties, yet as if by design, the Evil Empire triumphed over the good force to make it back to the Super Bowl PPV.
So whats at stake? For the Santa Haters, their previous loss at this top Pay Per View was at the hands of the budding Evil Empire and a younger Thomas Brady. They would love to avenge the loss for their former leader and shed the Santa Haters label to be known as champions, first time champions to be exact.
For the Evil Empire, total dominance is whats at stake. A reminder that evil always triumphs over good and that age is just a number when the fountain of youth is found in the World Heavyweight Championship.
Two factions, simply boiled down to good vs evil, 60 minutes for the NFL World Heavyweight Championship.
Only one question left, are you ready for some football?