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vtgorilla last won the day on January 20

vtgorilla had the most liked content!

About vtgorilla

  • Rank
    QB Whisperer
  • Birthday 05/03/1985

Profile Information

  • Gender


  • Favorite Team
    Virginia Tech

Coaching Information

  • Offense
  • Defense
  • Special Teams
  • Clock Mgmt
  • Discipline
  • Youth Mgmt
  • CFBHC Career
    Missouri Tigers (2015-2021), Virginia Tech Hokies (2022-Present)
  • NFLHC Career
    Minnesota Vikings Owner (2016), New Orleans Saints Head Coach (2018), Miami Dolphins Head Coach (2019), Miami Dolphins Scout (2020-Present)
  • Achievements
    2x Heisman Winner (2017, 2021), 1x SEC Champion (2021), 1x CFBHC Coach of the Year (2021)

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  1. Assuming there is still a throne to sit on at the end of the season is low key shortsighted. My boy, the Night King hasn't hit his glory as a villain yet.
  2. You guys remember darkage? 

  3. Hey Smackems, vtgorilla here with The Bleach Report (and certainly not an audience plant who is part of the organization, why would you even suspect such a thing). From my spotty and terrible record keeping, it looks like Coach King @inspiral is 2-0 against your coaching staff in post-season college games, and 1-0 directly against the Dolphins this season. What makes you think yourself and scout vtgorilla can start playing 3D chess instead of 2D space invaders?
  4. Virginia Tech - Nothing required to make me happy. This is the best team in school history, even with the best player injured - I'm already happy.
  5. Here are a couple oddly niche choices that I follow: The King of DIY - aquarium hobby guy that builds tanks and keeps a shitload of fish in a garage that he converted into a water zoo. Very casual, too much rambling, but very knowledgeable guy with fun videos. Ants Canada - I'm not into ants at all, but the editing and storytelling is done on an impressive professional level. Excited to try out some of the other channels listed here - great idea for a thread!
  6. "Think of the merch sales revenue!" -every owner ever, right before destroying a franchise's branding
  7. Future Benchwarmers of the ACC I know you’ve seen some All-Conference teams of recruits in media lately, but I wanted to try something new. I found a list of the future unsung heroes of the conference, the guys that you’ll regret taking a roster spot, the players who don’t even earn their free meal plan. I mean, yeah, they show up to practice everyday - but they’re no Rudy - they have to or they lose their free ride. They’re just happy to have that free education. They have no expectation to actual touch a ball during a game, unless you’re up by 45 on Liberty in the 3rd quarter...and even then, you’re likely to send in some young guns that might start in the future. Have you ever given a standing ovation of applause to a redshirt Senior who was allowed to take the game winning kneel during his last game as a student? Because that player is on this list...you just have to wait 5 more painful years to get that worthless turd off your roster. Without further drunken bullshittin, here is your All-ACC Future Benchwarmer Team of 2022: OFFENSE Quarterback Miami (FL) QB Hunter Thurman 6-3 231 Fr Pensacola Catholic (Pensacola FL) 1.5 of 3.0 [Scrambling] Miami (FL) QB Javon Seals 6-3 207 Fr Rickards (Tallahassee FL) 1.0 of 3.0 [Scrambling] Miami (FL) QB Tom DeLaney 6-4 218 Fr Gaither (Tampa FL) 1.0 of 3.0 [Hybrid] We start off with a ridiculous 3-way tie for the worst rated quarterback recruit in the conference. Good job, Miami. Maybe one day, one of these guys can hold the clipboard next to the coach and signal fake plays to a quarterback with talent. Running Back Clemson RB Calvin Reese 5-9 207 Fr Emma Sansom (Gadsden AL) 1.0 of 2.5 [Speed] Your 2022 ACC Champions decided a 2.5 star running back is a great addition to the team. He’s a speed back who weighs 207 lbs, while only being 5’9” with his cleats on. He was probably really good in 7th grade. Wide Receiver North Carolina State WR Samasoni Polamalu 6-3 181 Fr Joaquin (Joaquin TX) 1.5 of 2.5 [Speed] North Carolina State WR Thomas Biggs IV 6-1 208 Fr Robert E. Lee (Baytown TX) 2.0 of 2.5 [Target] Pittsburgh WR Brandon Seay 6-5 198 Fr Serra (San Diego CA) 2.5 of 2.5 [Target] Slappy Slippy slappy swanson...O right here SAMASONI....huh i was way off! NC State focusing on building that Wide Receiver depth. You never know when you might need two guys who shouldn’t start on an FCS squad. At least Pittsburgh’s receiver is 6’5” and already maxed. I mean, he probably wasn’t even the #1 WR for his high school team, but he’s tall sooo... Tight End Clemson TE Devin Rees-Kruse 6-2 229 Fr Chapin (Chapin SC) 1.0 of 2.5 [Blocking] Louisville TE Matthew Shipp 6-1 192 Fr Christian Academy (Louisville KY) 1.0 of 3.0 [Receiving] Clemson with the strong depth play again. A 2.5 blocking TE probably can’t stop Colonel Sanders from filling a bucket with chicken, but you have to trust the ACC Champs to make the right recruiting moves. Louisville gets the honorable mention here for recruiting a TE who weighs less than 200lbs. Offensive Tackle Clemson OT Jonah Eastman 6-7 291 Fr Hico (Hico TX) 1.0 of 2.5 [Run Blocking] Louisville OT Santiago Lemus 6-7 329 Fr William Blount (Maryville TN) 1.5 of 2.5 [Run Blocking] Prepare for the worst pun you’ve ever read...the tackles are *offensive*. Got em. Yes, Clemson really did import a 2.5 star player from Texas...there’s an assistant coach somewhere who’s trying to rack up those company airline miles to get his family on a vacation this summer. Offensive Guard Clemson OG Ralph Jensen 6-6 268 Fr Edisto (Cordova SC) 1.5 of 2.0 [Run Blocking] Boston College OG Albert Davies 6-4 255 Fr Liverpool ( England) 1.0 of 3.0 [Pass Blocking] I’d love to stop shitting on Clemson at this point, but it’s very clear that they believe in giving the underdogs a chance. To hell with 4 and 5 star players, the Tigers are built on work ethic and apparently going 2-10 in about 4 years. Boston College finally gets on the board by bringing a freaking soccer fan in to play Guard. Center North Carolina C Filipo Eteuati 6-3 291 Fr North Lincoln (Denver NC) 1.5 of 2.5 [Pass Blocking] At least UNC recruiting bad players makes sense - they blend right in. You wouldn’t want to make your current starters feel uneasy by putting talent behind them. DEFENSE Defensive End Clemson DE Erik Richmond 6-5 268 Fr Fluvanna County (Palmyra VA) 1.0 of 2.5 [Blitz] North Carolina DE Harry Stahl 6-3 238 Fr McCormick (McCormick SC) 1.0 of 2.5 [Contain] I don’t know much, but I bet these two absolutely live in the backfield. Pure terrors to opposing quarterbacks, shredding 2 star OTs on every snap! Defensive Tackle Clemson DT Kevin Jarrett 6-7 304 Fr Calhoun Falls (Calhoun Falls SC) 1.0 of 2.0 [1-Gap] Florida State DT Omar Clemons 6-2 310 Fr Coconut Creek (Coconut Creek FL) 1.0 of 3.0 [1-Gap] How can you be 6-7 300lbs and not be rated higher than 2.0? If you can’t successfully clog a lane at that size, you’re literally a fat statue. The Noles finally get on the board as well, with a morbidly obese guy they’ll have to order a special jersey size for. Outside Linebacker Clemson OLB Theodore Queen 6-1 239 Fr Twin Valley (Pilgrims Knob VA) 1.0 of 2.5 [Blitz] North Carolina State OLB Roman Hale 6-1 221 Fr Horizon (San Diego CA) 1.0 of 3.0 [Coverage] I’m beginning to understand that Clemson wants to field a Championship caliber team, as well as an 0-12 team on the roster for practice. This will boost the confidence of the starters to think that they’re amazing, and won’t at all backfire when they play another team. Inside Linebacker North Carolina ILB Evan Lindsay 6-2 248 Fr Lejeune (Camp LeJeune NC) 1.5 of 2.5 [Mike] Boston College ILB Jonas Svensson 6-0 216 Fr Stockholm ( Sweden) 1.0 of 3.0 [Will] I’ve been drinking for some time now, and I’m really running out of bad jokes. The only thing I can think of worse than my bad jokes is an undersized LB named Svensson from Sweden, who shouldn’t ever start in the ACC but probably will. Cornerback North Carolina CB Seneca Minor 5-10 194 Fr Davie County (Mocksville NC) 2.5 of 2.5 [Man Coverage] Virginia CB Andrew Pickett 5-10 174 Fr Killian (Miami FL) 1.0 of 3.5 [Zone Coverage] I have no real complaints here. I just feel bad for Pickett because he has to attend UVA. Free Safety Clemson FS Jeremiah Epps 5-11 206 Fr Patrick Henry (Ashland VA) 1.5 of 2.0 [Zone Coverage] It’s pretty clear that Clemson is the national champion of giving free rides to terrible players. If it wasn’t solidified already, here’s one more: Strong Safety Clemson SS Ian Wooten 6-0 211 Fr Patrick Henry (Ashland VA) 1.0 of 2.5 [Man Coverage] Atodaso. SPECIAL TEAMS Kicker Miami (FL) K Ivan Ferraro 6-1 204 Fr Fort Lauderdale (Fort Lauderdale FL) 1.0 of 3.0 [Power] This one is especially awesome because Miami also landed a 1.5/5.0 Kicker. Poor Ivan will literally never have a chance to kick. Punter Clemson P Griffin Vickers 6-3 181 Fr Stephenson (Stone Mountain GA) 1.0 of 3.0 [Accuracy] Is this the new #Clemsoning? Kick Returner Clemson KR Mark Sheppard 6-1 159 Fr Rock Hill (Rock Hill SC) 1.5 of 3.0 [Hybrid] Yeah, it is. Punt Returner Pittsburgh PR Caleb Dudley 6-4 190 Fr Central Catholic (Pittsburgh PA) 1.0 of 3.0 [Hybrid] Eat. Shit. Pitt. Long Snapper North Carolina LS Matias Benavides 6-0 272 Fr DeLeon (DeLeon TX) 1.0 of 2.0 [Specialized] Everyone needs a 2.0 long snapper. I'm really tired of this and excited to be finished. You ever been 14 beers deep in an Applebees? nah me either. Players by team: Boston College 2 Clemson A MILLION Duke 0 because they only recruited enough players for a basketball team Florida State 1 Georgia Tech 0 Louisville 2 Miami 2 North Carolina 3 NC State 3 Pittsburgh 3 Syracuse 0 Virginia 1 Virginia Tech 0 Wake Forest 0 The fact that Wake had 0 of these players means that anyone on the list is terrible at decision making. I double-checked that VT was clean to make sure I didn’t drunkenly insult myself. BYE
  8. There are only 6 (unless I counted wrong) 9-win teams in the FBS this season. That seems wildly unlikely.
  9. Anyone watch Nascar? Sorry Soluna, don't kill me for mentioning it :brownsface:

  11. Little Caesar's isn't pizza

  12. I take back every nice thing I said about Bryce Thompson
  13. No one ever ordered one, but it is a real shirt service that will print and ship the shirt if you bought it.
  14. How to Win a Heisman - an Impractical Manual Presented by The Clorox Bleach Report, whose staff has coached 3 out of 9 Heisman winners. No other media outlet has ever coached a Heisman winner, though that doesn't seem to stop them from posting predictions. The Heisman Trophy is the highest honor for a college football player. It’s awarded annually to the best player each season, as selected by a biased an elite group of CFBHC coaches. However, defining something as vague as “best” across all the positions on the field is hardly an easy task. For a player to set himself apart, it really takes a special season. Lots of players have great stats each season, so performance must be unsurpassed...and you also need a bit of luck, or maybe cheating. In this article, the only coach of two Heisman winners will see if he can define a few of the tangibles that transform an unforgettable season into a Heisman trophy campaign. Let’s start by looking at all of the previous winners - especially the ones that I coached. *Past performance is no guarantee of future results* The following players have cemented their legacy by winning the Heisman: 2013 Allan Taylor, QB, Virginia Tech 2014 Brian Brown, QB, Boise State 2015 Todd Jennings, QB, Penn State 2016 Norris Brooksheer, QB, Oklahoma 2017 Aaron Shea, QB, Missouri 2018 Jaz Durant, RB, Auburn 2019 Dylan Bishop, QB, Syracuse 2020 Mohammed Foster, QB, West Virginia 2021 Tucker Dowden, QB, Missouri 2022 Bryce Thompson, QB, Duke - oh shoot I wasn’t supposed to…(this is a joke, I have no idea who will win and am not involved in voting. Though Thompson feels like the right choice to me, I am often wrong - don’t tell my wife I said that.) Rule 1: Play QB Only one non-quarterback has ever won the Heisman trophy during it’s 9 year history: RB Jaz Durant in 2018. And Durant stole it from the best player that season: Matty Swift (t-shirts still available). How did Durant make the jump past the gaggle of QBs? It was one of the most even fields of players ever assembled. Durant beat out QB Alex LeShoure by 1 single point. The 3rd and 4th place finishers were the best QB that year and another RB, both within 10 points of Durant. The voting was split and Durant squeaked into first place. That isn’t to say that Durant isn’t worthy, but he had to post almost 2000 yards in a 1-loss regular season (to the eventual National Champions), 21 rushing TDs, and 6.63 YPC, in order to win over a QB everyone hates in a split vote. Rule 2: Don’t Win the Natty Okay, obviously this happens after the trophy is awarded, but it’s such a strong trend that it has to be accounted for. No Heisman winner has ever won the National Championship. Todd Jennings in 2015 and Tucker Dowden in 2021 are the only Heisman winners to play in the Natty, but both lost in close games. What we still don’t know is whether the Heisman Trophy causes this problem. So when you’re making your Tucker Dowden championship run, you better decide whether you want a Heisman or a Natty, because you can’t have both. Myths Busted: Older players have a better chance at winning. The only two players to win as Redshirt Seniors were Missouri QBs Aaron Shea and Tucker Dowden. Remainder by class: 1 Sr, 2 (Jr), 2 Jr, 1 (So) The Player has to be a 5.0/5.0. Only 6 out of 9 players were 5.0/5.0 during their Heisman seasons. Remainder: 4.0/4.0, 4.0/4.5, 4.5/4.5 You must win your conference. 5 out of 9 player did NOT win their conference the year of their trophy. In fact, 4 out of 9 didn’t even play in their conference championship game! An undefeated regular season is a requirement. The Heisman winner has lost a regular season game every season since 2015. So I suggest you throw a game to improve your odds of locking up the trophy. Dylan Bishop had 3 regular season losses and still caught that bling. Coach Tidbits: 8 coaches have won 9 trophies, with yours truly being the only two time winner. I have no intentions of winning a third, but I will if you don’t stop me. Soluna, smackems, and ChicagoTed are the only other coaches who have remained active. All but smackems have moved on from the team where their player was awarded. Actual Advice: And finally, if you'll allow me to leave you with a piece of actual advice. Not only do you need a player who competes stat-wise at the highest level, you need a low key hype strategy. Without annoying the ever loving mpost2 out of everyone (please don't make me regret this), you need to create the narrative of your player. Put your player in a position to build great stats and win big games - and point out when they do so. Sometimes the stories run themselves and you can be hands off, but sometimes your player is Marcus Black who loses every big game and can only complete 66% of his passes his Senior year. The Bleach Report Heisman years are excellent use cases to study: Aaron Shea had a great year, but I had to lean on the run game in close matchups to surprise opponents and steal wins...but he had the first ever standalone website, a truly ridiculous idea, that got people hype. Shea got all the credit at the end of the season, but if you look back, 4* RB Caleb Sherwin blew up #13 ND and #3 UGA to get him there. Mohammed Foster got preseason hype with the JC Weldon transfer and annihilated some early opponents, and then rode the 'mofo' nickname by carrying his team on his back to the playoffs, scoring a record setting number of touchdowns. Tucker Dowden won in landslide with the highest completion percentage ever thrown in college against a brutal SEC schedule - but maybe no one would have noticed that stat if I didn't point it out. I do not believe my attempt at creating "The Year of the Dowden" had any affect, but it did provide some early season attention. Did Bleach Report get something wrong in this article? Let us know in an email to: writeyourownd@mnmedia.youlazybum
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