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6 5.0 Croots 4 Florida

In the first round of recruiting commitments, Florida jumps out to the #1 class in the nation, signing six 5.0 potential players.

King Solomon

TTU RB McLaughlin puts up 170 yards and 3 TD as his team knocks off #5 Oklahoma State 38-31.

NFLHC Games Can Tie?

Giants WR Tevin Lattimore, who put up 5 receptions for 99 yards in a TD in the 21-21 tie against the Falcons, reportedly did not know such a thing was possible.

Colts QB Shea-ves the Day

After the Jaguars' 4th quarter comeback on SNF, Aaron Shea put together a masterful final drive in OT to get the Colts the 44-41 win.
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    Soluna

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    Going back to my previous post, the new job is going decently. I feel challenged; not on whether I complete something on time, but how I complete the task. I'm still learning a lot of new technologies and libraries, and I feel confident that this experience will help me in the long run. Whether I stay at my current company or relocate, I'm not sure. I've decided to give myself a break after a pretty stressful year. I'll start interview-prepping in January.

     

    Personal life, well...

     

    I decided three weeks ago to go completely sober. At the moment I don't feel comfortable as to telling the story as to why I decided to go sober (It's honestly both funny and sad), but I know this is something I had to do. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since then. I think it's been a struggle I've had since graduating from college. I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic since my drinking habits were very infrequent by the time I decided to go cold turkey. I've rarely gone out with friends this year, save for my birthday, the night I checked out a Russian restaurant, my trip to Minnesota, Oklahoma City, and now the UT-Baylor game. It mostly boiled down to the moments when I did drink. I didn't feel happy with the way I was acting while drunk, or even when blacking out. 

     

    A few days after going sober, I broke up with my girlfriend. I'll admit the drinking and the breakup are slightly related, but the breakup was something I was intending to do for a while. The strange thing is, although I felt guilt and remorse for breaking up, and though we ended on what I believe to be good terms, I don't feel bad. I don't necessarily miss her, but I know that the relationship wasn't going to work out in the end. I dated this girl for 11 months, and yet for some reason, I feel like I've moved on. I'm still being careful - I don't want to do date right now, but for the time being, I feel content with being by myself.

     

    A final note, but I got involved with a small group at a church I just started recently going to again. It's been helpful as a social outlet, especially with what's happened three weeks ago. They've been very welcoming, which has also been helpful.

     

     

    Honestly, it's been a weird month. But for the first time this year, in Austin, I felt happy. I don't know why, but maybe it's because of the recent changes. I don't know if its fleeting or not, but I think I'm content with the decisions I've made so far.

     

    Also, feel free to reach out @cmcgill. I don't drink anymore, but I'm more than happy to grab food or to stick around a happy hour and drink water.

     

    Edit: Also, shout-out to @acewulf. Thanks for grabbing lunch with me a couple of weeks ago. If you're ever in Austin and need a couch to crash on, let me know.

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    Sorry to dump on y'all but this might help me a bit. Life is weird at the moment.

     

    I have done really well with some things recently and should be happy about them but I'm not. I have been appointed as a prefect (student leader, 22 out of 162 in my year), Captain of Bands at school and captain of the 2nd Cricket team. I placed in the top 10% of a nationwide Biology test and got a letter from ANU, and have won a bunch of awards academically inside school. My grades are either steady or going up, and I am starting to enjoy cricket again. School is less boring at the moment and I feel more engaged, but I'm in the shoutbox less :(. I talked to Greg Chappell (a legend of cricket) about captaincy and have been heaped with praise from my parents, peers, teachers and adults, but I don't appreciate.

     

    But I am just struggling. I am finding it hard to do any work and so I am scraping work in, but still getting good marks. It just feels unsustainable and I'm just going to break down at some point. I could be getting better marks but I just can't be fucked doing anything of value. I am not playing well in band at the moment and I feel like I am letting people down, but I'm not doing anything to fix it. I feel like I have no time but I procrastinate for hours a day, staying up till midnight every night and I get up at 6:30, which isn't terrible but isn't good either. With that, I do my work and have no time to do the things I really enjoy: play music, find new music to listen to, read about CFB and NFL, or write media (sorry @Duncan345). Exams start on the 20th and we are just starting to officially revise for them now. On top of that, we are beginning a 4000 word research essay and 4 or major (20% of the subject grade) assessments. So this term and the first one of Senior year are going to be hellish. 

     

    And then we get on to people (fuck people, except you guys. But fuck @Rome). So things with the girlfriend aren't great. I did some dumb shit, she did some dumb shit, but we got past it. But because of exams and all the other work I won't be able to see her for a month or more, and I have to figure out birthday present shite. That has actually improved from a few weeks ago, we went on a break and it actually helped (Thanks @Time for all his help with this, you the man <3). We are probably gonna end over summer holidays because we will just be too busy next year, so that's always a great though. And then one of my best friends is pissed at me, and I am starting to distance myself from him. He is mostly good but tries too hard to be a good person and is really fake and cringey, and is losing favour with the year 12 group. I have always stuck by him but I can't keep doing it. Anyway he was organising for the top band (he is another music leader) to play a farewell piece for our band conductor/coordinator who has been at the school for 20 years and made us a nationally recognised program after coming from nothing. He wanted to play a favourite piece of ours, which originally took 12+ weeks of 2 rehearsals plus individual practice to get right, and get it perfect and memorised in a week and a half. He saw no flaw in the logic. And so I, with another one of the music leaders talked to the deputy music dude and he agreed that it would be rushed and not the farewell he deserved, so he made the decision to cancel it. And now my friend claims I "went behind his back", even though he did the same thing when he organised it, claiming he had asked everyone if we agreed to it (we hadn't). It just keeps weighing on me and I don't know what to do.

     

    TL;DR: All in all, things aren't too bad, but I am not in a good headspace at the moment and there is a lot to get done in the next two weeks. I'll get through, but it'll be a tough one for sure.

     

    I love you guys more than most of you know, and my PMs and Discord is always open if you want to have a chat about anything.

     

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    I don't really have a lot to say, just that I feel the most positive and in the best general mood of my life recently. It feels like I've really turned a corner in my life and I'm so excited for the future, even for random things. It's really been a complete 180 since I ended up taking 6-7 weeks off of work due to severe depression and violent thoughts. Sometimes being honest with yourself and your doctor can really help. I'm not saying meds can fix everything, obviously, but really coming to terms with how bad things are is the first step to fixing things.

     

    I also just want to say I love all of you. <3

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    It relieves my anxiety so much seeing that everyone is going through things and that it's a natural part of life, even if it sucks sometimes. Thank you for sharing everyone, and thanks for the post Soluna.

     

    I've been hyper-stressed lately due to work. The vendor software we've been installing at work is deploying live over the next week across all of my employer's website (>5 million users per day). We have really hustled to get to this point, but there's still a huge chance that something breaks because of the volume. Not everything in the architecture has been stress tested for saturation. I'm now somehow in charge of an architecture of 28 high capacity servers running software for one of the top 50 websites in the world. Just writing that out hits my anxiety button like you wouldn't believe...it should sound good on my resume though.

     

    Home life has been less stressful now, but busy. We bought a house in September and that comes with a bunch of things to do that I've never had to do before. The house has since gone through 2 former hurricanes (tropical storm/depression by the time they got here) with gigantic trees looming overhead. The dishwasher stopped working and it was like pulling teeth getting home warranty info from the realtor. It ended up that the dishwasher's power is on a fucking light switch and somehow we had turned it off - so it works fine but was then full of mold from sitting dirty for 3 weeks...one day I'm sure I'll laugh at that, but right now I'm simultaneously angry and relieved...but not dropping an unexpected $500 on a dishwasher is pretty nice.

     

    To ignore/process the stress of work I've been throwing myself into the setup of a new 75 gallon aquarium...it's been a 2 month process to plan and acquire all the pieces and I finally got water in it the other day! It looks really awesome and it's super rewarding to look at a striking visualization of my hardwork and planning. But no fish yet.... To glimpse what anxiety looks like, just know that I bought a used aquarium to save money, but then felt like I needed to reseal it to be sure it would hold water long term. Then after cleaning and resealing it over the course of two weeks, I was still afraid of it so I bought a new one anyway. So now I have a second freaking 4 foot long tank in my house that I need to sell but I'm afraid no one will buy it since I resealed it.

     

    Smackems and I have also been playing some Stardew Valley multiplayer, which is a nice relaxing after work activity. We've made some good progress and should soon be able to get started on our plans to run a high production 2d brewery.

     

    In essence, this is me right now:
    anigif_enhanced-16884-1440784588-2.gif?d

     

    But naturally the pit of despair will hit when I relax for Thanksgiving. I'm going to be a mess and will bottle it up while my in-laws are here and then my life will explode on November 26.

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    So...I'm kinda new here, but I dig the community that has formed here. This spurring out of a college football sim is amazing. So, let's be honest.

     

    On the outside, I've got my life fucking lined up in the best way. I'm president of a (business) fraternity. got a great job at the library. It's my last semester, with a full time position in Indy lined up. Figuring out housing for January since I graduate in Dec. I just had my most productive day in memory yesterday where I did more shit than I thought possible. This girl who has my heart is interested in me, and I have the perfect plan to ask her out.

     

    Then, I dive deeper. I see myself filling my time every day so as not to be alone. If I have more than 20 minutes where I don't have a person that I'm supposed to see, I either take a nap or find a person to spend the time with. I cannot stand being alone, or having to think about my life and where I am. It's gotten to the point that when I go to bed, I need to fall asleep in 5 minutes, (I don't know how to describe this next part) or I start seeing myself in other places. What I mean by that is that I no longer feel like I'm lying in bed, and i see, clear as day, my body somewhere else, doing something else. It's terrifying. So I run myself ragged every day so I'm exhausted at night.

     

    I had to face the reality last weekend that as much as I love my parents, I do not have a relationship with them. They knew nothing about my life, and despite wanting to offer more details, when they would ask questions I would give the shortest responses. I also had to realize that I am not capable of living alone at this point, so I will be renting a house with some "friends" from college. I put that in quotes because I feel like I'm their 9th option to hang out with. I actually always feel that way, so i'm trying to convince myself that people don't merely tolerate me.

     

    The biggest problem though is my depression. It has not hit this hard in a long time. Over the past couple weeks, I've had to get up and walk out of meetings and classes because I could not be there anymore. It feels like any alone time immediately starts spiraling downwards, and I am unable to stop it like I've had limited ability to do in the past. The only reason I am able to get up most mornings is because if I don't, my housemates will tell my parents what is going on, and they don't know that I struggle at all. I'm the golden child, who doesn't have bipolar, or migraines, or switch majors. I'm the one who works hardest, longest, and gets the best grades. I'm the one with the steady job before graduation. I'm the gold standard for our extended family, and this would destroy that.

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    1 hour ago, Ahven D'Gale said:

    So...I'm kinda new here, but I dig the community that has formed here. This spurring out of a college football sim is amazing. So, let's be honest.

     

    On the outside, I've got my life fucking lined up in the best way. I'm president of a (business) fraternity. got a great job at the library. It's my last semester, with a full time position in Indy lined up. Figuring out housing for January since I graduate in Dec. I just had my most productive day in memory yesterday where I did more shit than I thought possible. This girl who has my heart is interested in me, and I have the perfect plan to ask her out.

     

    Then, I dive deeper. I see myself filling my time every day so as not to be alone. If I have more than 20 minutes where I don't have a person that I'm supposed to see, I either take a nap or find a person to spend the time with. I cannot stand being alone, or having to think about my life and where I am. It's gotten to the point that when I go to bed, I need to fall asleep in 5 minutes, (I don't know how to describe this next part) or I start seeing myself in other places. What I mean by that is that I no longer feel like I'm lying in bed, and i see, clear as day, my body somewhere else, doing something else. It's terrifying. So I run myself ragged every day so I'm exhausted at night.

     

    I had to face the reality last weekend that as much as I love my parents, I do not have a relationship with them. They knew nothing about my life, and despite wanting to offer more details, when they would ask questions I would give the shortest responses. I also had to realize that I am not capable of living alone at this point, so I will be renting a house with some "friends" from college. I put that in quotes because I feel like I'm their 9th option to hang out with. I actually always feel that way, so i'm trying to convince myself that people don't merely tolerate me.

     

    The biggest problem though is my depression. It has not hit this hard in a long time. Over the past couple weeks, I've had to get up and walk out of meetings and classes because I could not be there anymore. It feels like any alone time immediately starts spiraling downwards, and I am unable to stop it like I've had limited ability to do in the past. The only reason I am able to get up most mornings is because if I don't, my housemates will tell my parents what is going on, and they don't know that I struggle at all. I'm the golden child, who doesn't have bipolar, or migraines, or switch majors. I'm the one who works hardest, longest, and gets the best grades. I'm the one with the steady job before graduation. I'm the gold standard for our extended family, and this would destroy that.

    Don't be afraid to head to the counseling center if you think it'll help.

    It's all the way down at Lucina, but it could worth the walk (and Taco Bell is just across the street).

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    As a good portion of you know (not everybody, I didn't advertise it widely but didn't keep it a secret), I've spent the last 15+ months working on JB Pritzker's campaign for governor. Campaigns are inherently stressful. It's a job that requires you to throw your whole self into it, first of all--nobody works a campaign for the pay or the job security, but because it's something they believe in. It's a job with an absolute, implacable deadline to convince as many people as possible that your value and your candidate's values match their values. It's a job that requires long hours and mental endurance. It's a job where every piece of news can change your odds of success. And in the end, everything you've done for weeks, months, or close to two years on end can be fully validated or entirely and mercilessly erased on one bad Tuesday night in November.

     

    So that's been my baseline level of stress lately. Add on the fact that late in an election cycle you start having to put off things that you want and/or need to do because you don't have the time or mental headspace for them. Add on the need to do my job as well as I possibly can because I know people rely on me and because I'm always putting pressure on myself. Add on the knowledge that there's a lot at stake nationwide that I know I can't do anything about but wish I could. Add on all the residual frustration from the elections in 2014 and particularly 2016 that I never truly got closure from. The fact that I'm doing something that matters, something I'm good at, something that keeps me constantly motivated is great--I regret nothing. But I'm not sure I ever really took stock of how constantly I was feeling on edge.

     

    That was my life up through Tuesday night. Ever since I woke up on Wednesday, I've just felt a lot more relaxed. I feel like I can come up for air finally. It feels good.

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    56 minutes ago, stormstopper said:

    As a good portion of you know (not everybody, I didn't advertise it widely but didn't keep it a secret), I've spent the last 15+ months working on JB Pritzker's campaign for governor. Campaigns are inherently stressful. It's a job that requires you to throw your whole self into it, first of all--nobody works a campaign for the pay or the job security, but because it's something they believe in. It's a job with an absolute, implacable deadline to convince as many people as possible that your value and your candidate's values match their values. It's a job that requires long hours and mental endurance. It's a job where every piece of news can change your odds of success. And in the end, everything you've done for weeks, months, or close to two years on end can be fully validated or entirely and mercilessly erased on one bad Tuesday night in November.

     

    So that's been my baseline level of stress lately. Add on the fact that late in an election cycle you start having to put off things that you want and/or need to do because you don't have the time or mental headspace for them. Add on the need to do my job as well as I possibly can because I know people rely on me and because I'm always putting pressure on myself. Add on the knowledge that there's a lot at stake nationwide that I know I can't do anything about but wish I could. Add on all the residual frustration from the elections in 2014 and particularly 2016 that I never truly got closure from. The fact that I'm doing something that matters, something I'm good at, something that keeps me constantly motivated is great--I regret nothing. But I'm not sure I ever really took stock of how constantly I was feeling on edge.

     

    That was my life up through Tuesday night. Ever since I woke up on Wednesday, I've just felt a lot more relaxed. I feel like I can come up for air finally. It feels good.

    Good on ya, Storm. Enjoy the silence for awhile.

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    I just got back from a ministry conference Friday night flying high and really excited about some new discipleship efforts with my students. 

     

    Then tonight I was asked to resign by the personnel team very abruptly. They are concerned about the youth ministry and don’t feel like I’m passionate about it or that I’m the person to build it. It’s not personal, but they feel it is best for the church. 

     

    I’m in shock and disbelief. This was the first time this has ever been brought up. Ever. Not one meeting expressing concerns or giving feedback leading up to this point. 

     

    On top of all that, my adoptive daughter has surgery this morning to remove her adenoids and tonsils and we are also in the process of another adoption that is going to be significantly delayed bc of my change of jobs now. 

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    Life at the moment is good, but probably some of the most stressing times I've experienced up to this point.

     

    Our son was born about 8 weeks ago and our daughter is only 18 mo old. He has absolutely no sleep schedule, wide awake at all hours of the night to eat or whatever. It also appears there is absolutely no pattern developing or any sort of light at the end of the tunnel so basically living on blocks of 2/3 hours of sleep. We currently live 2.5 hours from the closest family members so we don't really have the luxury of calling up one of our parents or siblings to come by and help out for a bit which is brutal.


    Daughter isn't taking it all that well, losing the attention so she's going nuts at daycare and at home. Lots of tantrums and fits all evening long and doesn't want to go to bed. She's also getting her big teeth in so many sleepless nights involved there.


    On top of the stress level with the kids is my professional life. Currently leading a project in the last development cycle for an application that will be used daily for about 50K users or so and some very hard deadlines approaching. One of the biggest/most difficult projects I've had to date with any job, really. Bosses are a little antsy wanting to have everything completed and deployed but it's just not completely ready yet but getting there.


    The 3 things I listed above are not so bad in a vacuum but combining all of them at the same time is doing a number on me. Normally a massive football fan but I haven't been able to get to a game in a couple years now. Things are so stressful right now I almost feel like I'm just going through he motions/it's a chore to keep up with it now. I'm thankful for this site for a break from reality at times.

     

     

    I know I'll probably end up looking back at these days and smile a bit but damn if it isn't stressful as hell. 

    /rant

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    Its been stressful... girlfriend and I have been fighting more about my potentially going to law school (she really doesn't support it because she doesn't think its right for me) and I feel like she has been somewhat sabotaging my attempts to study for the exam by overscheduling us for activities (this may not be intentional, she is a doer kind of person who always has something in the works), and because she is stressed and for some reason I'm the person she takes her stress from school out on. I have an interview on Monday for a job with Americorps, but it wouldn't start until 2019 and I won't be done by the time I'm 30ish and I feel like by that time its too late to be doing these one year job type things (plus its a massive pay cut which I'm not sure I can afford). I'm tired of not hearing back from any jobs I apply for and I feel like I'm getting passed over because of my degree. All I want is to get my foot in the door somewhere so I can put in the work. I also feel like I'm getting pushed out of the housing market here in the Twin Cities, like everyone else it seems because of luxury apartments. Its just a lot on my plate and I need to decompress. 

     

    On the plus side right now, just so you don't think my life is a complete shitshow, I recently set a PR in a 5K so that is nice. 

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