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TuscanSota

2019 in Retrospect and 2020

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So this is something that I've been thinking on lately, but I've been looking back on what I've been doing this year, what I've accomplished, failed, and what I've learned through the past year.

 

How do y'all feel about 2019 as a whole? Is there anything that you would do differently? Do you have goals in mind for 2020?

 

 

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2019 was an interesting year for me.

I set out to advance my skills in programming, and try to pivot my career where I would be programming much more. I enrolled into a bootcamp, where I met a lot of great classmates, and learned a few neat things about building web applications and running a small server. I also went out of my way to learn some of the fundamentals for programming (algorithms and data structures).

 

Some of my shortcomings this year revolved around me both professionally and personally. With the bootcamp under my belt I felt comfortable to apply to jobs again - but found out very quickly what companies are looking for, and how they viewed my resume. I've changed a lot about how I present myself both in person and on the resume, but it took a lot of practice. I think a lot of my frustrations came down to being told shorthand that I don't have enough years under my belt, which I respect. I don't want to waste their time, but I'm getting better at my presentation skills.

 

But man... I'd be lying if I didn't say that being rejected a number of times hit me hard. There are times where I felt like my career is in a literal catch 22, and that there was no way to go up because of my current role, my current project, and where I want to take my career. I had a lot of low moments on how I viewed myself, and looking back... it's scary.

 

To veer away from that, this is the first year that I've been sober, which I think has allowed me to think deeply on how I act around others, how I treat others, but more importantly how I can treat myself better. This has been recent, but I've been making an effort on doing things I've been meaning to do and want to do. For example, this past Friday I went downtown, got some food and did some people watching at the bars. Just by myself. And honestly, it was pretty fun. I think getting out of the house instead of just studying has helped too.

 

 

For 2020, here are the shorthand goals I want to do:

- Continue to treat myself with respect and how I want to treat others.

- Continue to do things by myself

- Begin working on a personal project that I've been itching to get work on

- Remain consistent with what I've learned this year, while expanding my skill-set.

- Visit SageBow

- Get a job where I'm not using 10 year old out-of-date tools.

 

Edit: Y'all don't have to write down as much as I did. I just felt like this was the best way to explain things with a community that I enjoy being around.

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2019 was without a doubt the best year of my life so far. Things that I have been working to set up have started coming together.

 

Working hard in school culminated into a great job that I enjoy.

 

Focusing on my relationship got me engaged.

 

Passed a professional exam and maybe a second one.

 

Oddly enough, while I did tie up a number of set-ups, I put in a ton of work to easily allow next year to top it. Obviously, I'm getting married! I'm starting to make a board game with a friend, and I'm super pumped about that! Exam progress is going well! I'm trying to be who I want to be, and growing internally a lot!

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1 hour ago, TuscanSota said:

2019 was an interesting year for me.

I set out to advance my skills in programming, and try to pivot my career where I would be programming much more. I enrolled into a bootcamp, where I met a lot of great classmates, and learned a few neat things about building web applications and running a small server. I also went out of my way to learn some of the fundamentals for programming (algorithms and data structures).

 

Some of my shortcomings this year revolved around me both professionally and personally. With the bootcamp under my belt I felt comfortable to apply to jobs again - but found out very quickly what companies are looking for, and how they viewed my resume. I've changed a lot about how I present myself both in person and on the resume, but it took a lot of practice. I think a lot of my frustrations came down to being told shorthand that I don't have enough years under my belt, which I respect. I don't want to waste their time, but I'm getting better at my presentation skills.

 

But man... I'd be lying if I didn't say that being rejected a number of times hit me hard. There are times where I felt like my career is in a literal catch 22, and that there was no way to go up because of my current role, my current project, and where I want to take my career. I had a lot of low moments on how I viewed myself, and looking back... it's scary.

 

To veer away from that, this is the first year that I've been sober, which I think has allowed me to think deeply on how I act around others, how I treat others, but more importantly how I can treat myself better. This has been recent, but I've been making an effort on doing things I've been meaning to do and want to do. For example, this past Friday I went downtown, got some food and did some people watching at the bars. Just by myself. And honestly, it was pretty fun. I think getting out of the house instead of just studying has helped too.

 

Tuscan, I'm always very impressed with your openness and willingness to be vulnerable on this site. I think it's a huge asset to our community. 

 

I'm still processing my own 2019/2020 thoughts, and will post later. But, I wanted to say that your sobriety is truly remarkable, and to be celebrated. While job rejection is difficult, I think it allows one to hone what they truly WANT from a job. A new friend this year mentioned that they went thru programming Boot Camp, got a decent programming job, and immediately disliked the environment and actual work. So, just like that, he dropped it in favor of pursuing photography and freelance art. So, to each their own, I suppose. 

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I had a pretty great 2019. It was a big year in terms of me growing up and taking that next step in my life. It started off rough and stressful as I wondered if I was ever going to take that next step in my career while receiving rejection after rejection in my job search. Always coming in 2nd. But then in the 2nd half of the year things started coming around.

 

I got engaged to the girl of my dreams, and finally broke through and got a job that I’m extremely excited about. It’s the first year where I really feel like I’m not in college anymore and that I’m a full on adult.

 

Hopefully I can continue this momentum into 2020!

 

In terms of goals:

I want to get back on track with my health, I did great early last year but let it get away from me again in the back half, hopefully having less stress and more stability will help that

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2019 started really rough for me but ended pretty well.

 

I was fired from my job the week before Thanksgiving (and night before my daughter's surgery) in 2018 and was never given any reason why.  Then we moved across the state (and in with my in-laws) for a couple months while I got a job (making $9 an hour) and started working on getting my teacher certification.  So I spent the first part of 2019 feeling like a loser and dealing with a lot of bitterness about my last job.  But I started my first year teaching in August and I have absolutely loved being in the classroom.  Teaching Financial Literacy and History is right in my wheel house and it's been great.  Coaching basketball has been difficult bc my schedule has been so crazy between coaching 3 different teams.  I am hoping that at the end of the year I can talk to administration and lessen that load in favor of teaching more classes, or I can find a job at a different school.

 

Our 2nd adoption continues to drag on.  We were expecting to have her home by Christmas but we are still at least 3 months away, maybe more.  We are hoping that we will get news soon though.

 

In 2020 my goals are

  • Be more present for my family - this was really hard in my last job and has been much better since starting teaching, but has become much more difficult with basketball season again
  • Spend less time with my phone
  • Read more which goes hand in hand with spending less time with my phone
  • Launching a podcast - I've started recording already for a podcast I'm launching Jan 1... I tend to start projects and let them trail off so I'm making a goal to stick with this one through an entire year

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Moved, got engaged, got a new great job, went to Iceland, spent two weeks in Greece. Pretty uneventful. 

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Rather uneventful on the whole if being honest. Brother left for university and I'm definitely proud of him, but that's more a how his year went thing lol.

 

2019 was mostly the same as 2018, doing mostly the same things and dealing with the same problems. So, it was okay I guess.

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I had an interesting year. I'm just gonna talk about the highlight which includes a lowlight.

This summer, I worked in administration for a traveling camp, whose mission was to bring free camp to kids in underprivileged areas. This included poor rural areas and poor urban areas. There are tons of studies that show that extracurricular activities and camps themselves have positive outcomes on kids on their ability to learn, socialize, and become "better" adults. Many of the kids came from single parent or no parent households, being raised by grandparents who couldn't really do physical activity with kids. A lot of the kids were negatively impacted by the opioid epidemic in the Appalachian area too, including kids who were born with disabilities stemming from from pregnant mothers who used drugs.

 

I'm gonna tell my favorite story from this year. The last location we were in was at a public park in some small rural mountain town. Most of our camps were at local churches or community centers, but not this one. The park often would have heroin needles on it, which our wonderful high school volunteers (who are some of the best people I've ever worked with, so if you ever complain about Gen Z being lazy or entitled I'm gonna check you) would clean up. I also found a heroin needle in the trash can of the local restaurant, a Hardees.

There was a small hill by the park, where locals would often walk up and down for whatever reason. One day, this kid, about 10 to 12 years old walked down the hill. He had seen kids playing and being involved in camp, and decided it was fun. We let him stay the day, but we have to have certain forms signed naturally and sent him back with one of those. While he was at camp, he had a can of dip in his back pocket, which naturally we had to not let him use. He came back the next day with a form that may or may not have been signed by him. 

One thing I did occasionally, is teach archery at camps (I'm actually a certified archery instructor, which is probably my coolest skill). When I teach archery, I'm very strict to the rules, which helps keep kids safe. This kid decided to be an ass and not follow the rules so I had to get on him a bit. Of course, then the kid said "I want to punch you in the face". So he didn't like me a bunch. Later on in camp, we were playing a game that's similar to handball, and dude shoved another kid. 

Now these kids aren't used to being loved and appreciated, and are more used to being ignored or just punished. So I sat him down. I asked him about his school life, and what happens to him normally when he acts out in school. We had a good chat about both of our school life and how I was a little ass in school (I got a variety of suspensions in middle and high school, and got into a fight the very first sleepaway camp I went to). We also talked about how the first person to start shit usually isn't the one that gets punished, but it's usually the person who reacts.  We ended the chat with me giving him, and also me a little advice. We bonded over sports. He was a great athlete and a sports fan. We talked about how as a fan, how he would feel if his favorite player on his favorite team got into a fight in a game and had to get punished, hurting his team. We talked about how he would feel as a fan. I told him that I was a fan of his and I want him to be able to control his reactions some. And told him that as much of a fan of his I was, he needs to be his own #1 fan. 

We ended up being super close by the end of the week.

That's probably the biggest story I can tell about my summer. How I was able to have a little impact that might make a little shift in a kids life, and might help him be open to other people helping him take that next little step.

The summer was eye opening for me. 

 

Unfortunately, after camp ended and we inventoried and stored all our stuff in our storage trailers, all of our stuff got stolen. We've been trying to fundraise to buy new stuff, and it's going well thanks to our partners. I would never ask for donations or anything from yall, but if you pray, pray for our camp to recover from this and if not, look at ways that you can impact your own community and help people make that one little shift, or at least be open to the idea. And remember, I'm gonna be one of your biggest fans, but you gotta be your own number 1 fan. 

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My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about a month and a half ago which is not so great. I was really depressed for a while and kind of still am, but I'm dealing with it better now I guess. The weird thing is she says I'm still her best friend and still calls me every day but she moved on very quickly and was already seeing someone within 2 weeks.  IDK how to feel about that.  This is my last semester at college and it made me blow off a lot of work because I just had a hard time getting out of bed. I'm going to graduate though so maybe 2020 will improve if I'm able to turn that into a better job.

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2019 was probably the best year of my life even though it didn't always feel like it.

 

The year started out pretty poorly, I was in a pretty bad place mentally from February until September/October, but I managed it well enough to finish the school year in a respectable fashion. I might not get the results that I could have, but I'll get into university with no issues. I've dealt with stress (mostly self inflicted) and had some fairly significant family issues but I managed to keep my head above water for the most part. I've started coming to terms with a lot of what I don't like about myself and moved from a general attitude of self-hate to more of a growth mindset. I've always strived to be perfect, and I'm only really starting to fully appreciate how stupid that was, and learning to just enjoy the ride. I'm not always going to be the happiest or most carefree person, but I am helping myself get to a better place.

 

I did a lot of really cool stuff this year. I won a national jazz competition with some of my best friends, attended an international science camp in China and competed in a high school philosophy tournament/experience. These were the 3 major highlights, each for different reasons. The jazz competition was something I had been working towards for 3 years and we were never expected to win. The feeling after winning that and getting to celebrate with my parents and some of my closest friends was something indescribable. I never realised how amazing crying tears of joy is, but that was something I'll never forget. China was really inspiring and has really helped to shape what I want to do with my life, met some pretty great people from around Asia as well. The philosophy thing has opened a new area of interest for me, and changed my perspective on what kind of people I want to surround myself with. 

 

Beyond that, I managed to do fairly well in my exams and strengthened a bunch of great friendships. I'm currently having a wonderful holiday, and am very much looking forward to the rest of December, January and February, which will be the first time in 2 years that I have had to do whatever I want with almost no pressure. 2019 was a year of learning about myself at the present moment, as well as deciding what kind of person I want to be, and despite some struggles was a year I will always be thankful for.

 

I am super excited for 2020. I have a great group of supportive friends here in Adelaide, uni is really intriguing, I've just joined a band and I am having an absolute blast playing soccer with my brother. A few things I want to focus on for the coming 12 months.

  • Reading more. I really want to start reading fiction and non-fiction, hoping to read one of each every month.
     
  • Spend more time doing the things I actually enjoy. Less time on my phone or watching YouTube, more time reading, learning, playing/listening to music, hanging out with friends, or even games/TV/movies. These are all things that I know are more stimulating and enjoyable to me, and spending more time doing these would make me more happy, instead of just distracting myself
     
  • Being more committed: I have a tendency to say I'll do something then never actually making any progress on it and letting other people down.
     
  • Taking opportunities to extend and challenge myself: I'm usually pretty happy doing the things I know, but I want to take on as much as I can this year. Whether that is work opportunities, uni experiences or putting myself out there socially.

Finally, cheers to all of you. This site has been such a great place for me over the past 2 and a half years (holy shit). The sim, history and narratives are so engaging and often take precedence in my mind over actual football, so thank you Soluna, Alien, Inspiral and all of those that are involved in administration, media development and shitposting. The community here is one of the best I have ever been a part of, and I hope that I can continue to enjoy your company for many more years.

 

Best of luck to all of you over the next 12 months!

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2019

 

I'm blessed with a very rewarding job that fits my personality and goals, and great co-workers to boot. Its been the first year of working where I've stayed in the same location (construction makes you move), and that's been a blessing. Building wraps up June of 2020, so who knows where I'll be this time next year. 

 

With that, been living with the same 2 roommates for a full year for the first time since college, and that's been a blessing as well. I'm one of those types that could probably never live alone. Drives me crazy. That's bound to change soon. Sara got engaged last month and after the wedding she'll be moving in with her fiance. With that, Joey will probably leave as well. So I'll need to figure something out there, maybe get a dog?

 

Travel wise, this past year I went to Las Vegas, Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, Des Moines, then the SageBow-ToucanSoda sprint up the West Coast (San Diego to Seattle in 9 days, smh what kind of dumbass signs up for my vacation plans). Finishing up the year at Sugar in North Carolina. Next year, London and Thailand are in sight.

 

Dramatically got better at my favorite hobby, cooking. I've always been good at it, but expanded my repertoire this year. I've always struggled with baking, but now I'm comfortable with cookies, brownies, and cheesecake. Shooting for Red Velvet at some point. Got a lot better at various steak preparations (shoutout /r/steak those pretentious bastards). Not sure what the next goal is, but I'm constantly finding new things to attempt to try. 

 

I'm lonely. The constant moving makes it hard to form truly lasting friendships, and when they do form, I end up moving. So I have friends seemingly everywhere but where I live. I know that's not true, but as an extreme extrovert (ENFP Enneagram 7) it drives me absolutely crazy. I wonder if I keep myself as busy as I am to not think about it. But to work on that, I've lately been reaching out to various people in a purely platonic manner, a little different because admittedly I am a whore.

 

On another funnier note, some names of girls I've hooked up with this year: Savannah, Ivy, Cat, and Clover. So uh. I guess I'm really into nature?

 

 

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6 hours ago, alienufo said:

The weird thing is she says I'm still her best friend and still calls me every day but she moved on very quickly and was already seeing someone within 2 weeks.  IDK how to feel about that. 

 

Hey man, you may really want to try no contact. This sounds like manipulative behavior by her and it can be really harmful to stay in that sort of relationship if it continues to hurt you. She's using your energy but no longer expects to give anything back.

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19 minutes ago, brightfalls said:

 

Hey man, you may really want to try no contact. This sounds like manipulative behavior by her and it can be really harmful to stay in that sort of relationship if it continues to hurt you. She's using your energy but no longer expects to give anything back.

Second this because I went through a similar situation. It seems impossible and selfish to cut someone out of your life that was such a big part of it, but my only regret was not doing it earlier. It took probably 9 months to realize any sort of relationship with this person was not possible, but cutting them off was the best decision I ever made. Sadly we weren't able to be friends after that (but still friendly), but months of no contact made me realize how terrible the situation was even if the other person didn't intend it. That was the only way I was able to feel better.

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3 minutes ago, brightfalls said:

 

Hey man, you may really want to try no contact. This sounds like manipulative behavior by her and it can be really harmful to stay in that sort of relationship if it continues to hurt you. She's using your energy but no longer expects to give anything back.

I want to second this, initially after my last  major relationship I thought I was "over it" after some time but my ex kept "wanting to be friends" and so she'd hit me up for advice or to talk, and we hung out a few times, but always on her time and I was basically a last resort as company to her, and looking back she wasn't really putting anything into it unless she needed something. Then she found some new love interest and just yeeted herself out of the "friendship" just as fast/coldly/unexpectedly as she'd done with our dating relationship, and after already being in a dark place from the break up, it sent me reeling into a deep downwards spiral that I still haven't really pulled up out of, years later. 

 

@alienufo I know mostly everyone on here is just an internet stranger, but a lot of what has kept me from going downwards further, is just distracting myself with people to communicate with, even if its something as stupidly pointless as memeing about Greg Bierria's abilities as if he's Flash Gordon within the Cardinals front office. I was really lost for a bit until I found out there were semipro football teams close to me, and I've made some of my best friends, people who are like the big brothers I never had growing up, through it. It's exciting that you're graduating and that should take you new places in itself, but if I have any advice for you, its to find a hobby you either really liked in the past, or really get into something you've been interested in but never tried, to meet new people, and "fill the void." Eventually you don't even remember the void, you're just getting clowned for completely whiffing on a block when a 330lb DT jukes you. And talk to people about the things going on, I talk to a few people IRL, and I've talked to a ton of people from here, just about what's happened, "why I feel depressed", etc. Get those thoughts and emotions out. 

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2019 started off as a trash tier year for me, I talked about some of this in the "how are you doing" threads we've had this year. I'd basically been deeply depressed since ~October 2017 when I'd tore my Achilles and this girl I'd been working with/flirting with moved to a different city, and my ex who I'd still for some reason kind of held out hope on getting back together with (which, why, llamas, why) got official with some new guy, and one of my friends backed out on moving to a different state with me when we'd been planning on doing it for a long time, it was all a major kick in the balls over the course of a week. The Achilles tear was probably the biggest blow, since football has basically become my emotional crutch, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to play again. I tried to go in 2018, but we had a new shitty head coach (he would only call run plays to the left lol) who just didn't like me so he wouldn't even give me a chance to get on the field, and then when I did manage to sneak out there, I just couldn't go 100%. (Which makes a ton of sense because it was only ~7-8 months after tearing my Achilles.) 

 

I was ready to be done playing football since I clearly didn't have it anymore, and I was completely lost. But then our legendary defensive coordinator decided to come back, "one last ride." And a bunch of other guys thinking of hanging it up, bought in as well, "one last ride." Practices were popping, we had intensity and fire and we were going to run the league. And then Coach Gary had a heart attack unexpectedly, and died just a month before the season kicked off. He was a player's coach, he'd get tough on you and yell at you if you fucked things up, but he was also the kind of guy to come to you post game, ask you how you're doing outside of football, give you shit with his trademark grin for "not getting in there more" when you got speared in the back on an onside kick recovery, etc. Just an all around admired person. And losing him really deflated our season. 

 

We finally turned the ship mid-season, getting our first win(s!) since pre-Achilles tear llamas, and we were in the playoff hunt. Then the original owner of our team, who was battling cancer for I think at least the third time after being exposed to Agent Orange, died on the morning of our second-to-last game, a "win and in, doesn't matter what happens next week" game. He was the grandfather/father figure to our current owner, who is one of my best friends, and without him, we wouldn't ever have had a team, and I don't know if I'd be here today - not just as who I am today, but even being alive - without him. We lost that game in heart breaking fashion, winning 14-12 with less than 2 minutes left and we throw a bubble screen from our own 20 that the defense read all day, and had the easiest go-ahead pick 6 ever. During the week, we went to Marv's funeral, and so many guys there were like "let's win this last game for Marv!"... and then none of them showed up to the final game, winner makes the playoffs as the final seed, and we had 18 guys show up to their 45. I had to play both ways and special teams, something I hadn't done (nor had I been in shape for) since high school. I scored the first 2 points on an early safety, sacking their QB, and then after they answered with a TD to make it 6-2, we scored one of our own late in the 1st half, going up 8-6. But we were all gassed from basically playing a full game at that point, and we allowed a kick return touchdown to make it 14-8 going into halftime. And then the wheels fell off and we lost like 45-18 or something. 

 

So all of that sucked, and I was trying to find a new job and kept getting rejected. But then things turned a new leaf around August, because I was named to the league All Star game, and also landed a new job within a week. I know I can't play offensive line anymore, so I've dropped from the (extremely undersized for even our league) 263lbs I weighed in August, to plateauing at ~245 for now just from cutting, and now I have plans to do keto again, which I did with great success in mid-2017, going from 243 -> 206 in around two months (pre-Achilles tear, I gave up on keto after that). My new job is phasing out of the "honeymoon period" and I really don't get paid enough for all the stuff they have me do and have to work every other weekend, and the actual work itself isn't awful but it's not great, but there's a ton of cute girls who I just constantly "harass" so that's a decent benefit, and while there's a tricky line on dating coworkers, I think I'm going to shoot my shot at this one girl I work with. I haven't been this into a girl in a long time. If it goes badly, I mean, I'm already souring on the job lol, I can just look for a different (better paying) one, right?

 

Overall, I wouldn't say Im truly happy, yet. My friend group has gotten a bit smaller this year, which sucks but is fine, because I think the friendships I do have, haven't been stronger. One of my friends moved to Florida, which he's been wanting to do forever, but he moved with the intention of getting into law school, and ended up bombing his LSAT and couldn't get into UCF or Florida A&M or wherever he was applying, and he had no backup plan, so he ended up alienating himself from his friends, from his girlfriend who still is in school in Wisconsin, and I'm getting kind of sick of him blowing up my snapchat with 64848848 minute long snaps of 3-5 closing ceremony firework shows from Disney each week lol. And my other friend got engaged in January to a girl he'd been with for 5 years, and in November out of nowhere she told him she hadn't loved him in over a year (but got engaged in January... you do the math) and they're no longer together, he made her give the ring back and everything. And I think, that absolutely sucks for them, but there are timelines where I was considering both of those situations - I was thinking of getting engaged to my "high school sweetheart", and I've also thought about moving but having no backup plan. But those aren't me right now. I'm not out of the woods yet, I've really dug myself a deep hole since 2015, and you could even argue since ~2012, but lately, it's been a step forward.

 

I think I'm actually getting confidence back that was shattered long ago. In 2020, I want to keep making those strides forwards. I don't know if I'm going to keep playing football - I love it so much, but I can't keep that weight on, and I'm liking the weight loss. So I want to get deeper into coaching at the high school level - I've been a scout for two seasons now but my hs coach came up to watch the state championship and I told him the gameplan for beating the #1 team in the state, and the other team did exactly as I'd told him, so I think I bought myself some respect on that level lol - or maybe even do officiating or something. And I'm sick of being single or in non-committed relationships, so I'm going to shoot my shot with that girl I've previously mentioned, or whatever. I'm not trying to rush anything in any aspect of my life right now, I just want to keep going upwards.

 

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In early 2019 I spent a lot of time worrying about people who didn't really care about me. In contrast I gave 0 shits about my schoolwork. I realize it has kind have come at the cost of paying less attention to the site, but over the course of the 19-20 school year I have been focusing a lot more and hope to get good enough grades on the ACT to get into either Minnesota or Ohio State. My weighted classes have shot my GPA way up and it helps me be in a more balanced mental state. The way my football season ended had me very disappointed and for a few days I was really in my bag. This was the first year I played both ways, and I had a really good bond with many of the seniors who graduated. I was kind of back in the same place mentally that I was before school started. A few days before basketball started up I received a message from my senior captain who also was a captain in football, he really helped me put everything in my life in perspective. A day before our first game my best friend of three years became my girlfriend :). We've also been on a pretty good run in basketball, and beat some teams we weren't supposed to. In 2020 I hope I can keep myself from being lazy so I can keep up with lax, schoolwork, and all of my personal stuff at the same time for the first time in my life.

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It was an eventful year for me. Finished my master's in aerospace engineering which was great. The lab work and all was cool, but at this point after ~18/19 years of being in school I was so ready to be done with the constant sense that I need to be studying or something. I didn't really have any trouble with the job hunt, took the summer off and wound up starting my first real job in September, designing helicopter engines for the DOD. A lot of changes there, being in an office all day sucks, and I really don't know what to do with myself when I go home, so I feel like I just don't have a ton of big life goals at the moment which leaves me a little rudderless.

 

This is also exacerbated because this spring was the strongest I've ever been in my entire life. I've been a competitive climber, won a few youth national championships, but dipped a little during college. I committed myself to training, was more fit than I'd ever been, total confidence I could stack up with anybody in the country. Flew out to Salt Lake City for a week to train with US coaches at the national training facility and everything. Then comp season rolls around and I just hit a wall, I feel like trash during my warmup, and can't do anything. Finish ~14th at Olympic trials, don't make finals at nationals, and this is officially the first year since 2009 that I'm not on a US national team of some kind. That was kind of a gut punch and tanked my motivation for a few months, only this fall did I start to feel like training again. On a more upbeat note, Olympic slots have been mostly doled out for climbing and I can now officially say I've dated an Olympian B)

 

Also interesting, I took a week in the spring to go to Innsbruck, Austria. I had booked it in December when I was feeling great with the idea that I'd link up with a lot of the Europeans there for training and get psyched for any world cups I'd want to do. Obviously after the competition disasters that wasn't going to happen, so it turned into just a week of me exploring the city/country by myself which was a pretty interesting experience. It actually served as a good opportunity for reflection and helped me get over the disappointment more than I expected it to.

 

Broke up with my girlfriend in the tail end of 2018, that along with graduating and moving meant that up until recently I hadn't been able to seriously pursue anything romantically so that's been missing from my life, but now that I'm pretty entrenched in a new phase I'm hopeful that that will change soon. 

 

Overall, 2019 was the culmination of a lot of long-long-term plans and now I'm just sort of in search for what to throw myself into.

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Bad year for me to be honest. I think I can pretty easily say it's the worst of my life actually.

 

My grandfather (who I've always been extremely close to, he might actually be my single biggest influence in life) was diagnosed with cancer and he's been having a lot of trouble with it. He recently quit chemo because his quality of life was terrible, he is feeling better now which makes me glad but his years left are very much numbered. I graduated college, which was cool, but all my best friends were people I only interacted with in Davis so my social life has basically hit a hard reset. It's not so bad, I've met some new people mostly thanks to my sister, but it's still been kinda rough compared to how it's been the past four years. I technically have a job with the local school district as a substitute but the bureaucracy around the job is absurd to the point that I haven't worked yet despite being hired officially like 2 months ago and applying like 6 months ago. It's been extremely frustrating but hopefully that'll work itself out soon.

 

Then just recently came the biggest thing in terms of affecting me personally, which was my surgery and diagnosis with Crohn's disease. The surgery was a lot harder than I expected which is kind of stupid I know, but I really didn't think it was going to be such a big deal. In reality the week after surgery was the worst of my entire life by far (in part thanks to my nurses being stingy with my pain meds for some reason), and I'm still practically bedridden and in pain several weeks later. The boredom has begun to set in and the recovery process feels a bit like a prison, it's hard for me to leave the house because walking is uncomfortable. The of course Crohn's has some pretty gnarly quality of life detriments down the road. Right now I'm expected to be in remission but I have to admit it terrifies me that I could live the rest of my life in pain and stunted in what I can do because of this disease. 

 

I don't know what 2020 holds for me right now. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook though. My surgery recovery should complete around the new year and life will temporarily be pretty much back to normal from what I've been told. My job should finally start around the same time and hopefully with that I'll be able to expand my social network a bit. Hopefully my grandfather doesn't have any more major setbacks but that's uncertain right now. Pretty much all I can think to do at the moment is things improve, it's rough but that's where I'm at, hope the honesty isn't a downer for anyone who bothered to read this, just had to get it off my chest. 

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2019

 

What a rollercoaster of a year.

 

Overall, it was pretty good. I had a great summer with my family, basically just enjoying life and being able to just relax and not worry about anything like that. I found a new friend group and we're the tightest we've ever been, which is really nice. Overall, it's just really stressful now. On Saturday, I have my ACT; I am really looking to improve this time, it's been a 28 to a 29. The stress is much worse than I thought. Along with that, school work has been picking up. My GPA is soaring, but my mental state is crashing. I cannot wait for the two week winter break to really allow me to destress. 

 

Along with that, it's been a nice, basically complete decade of being single. Obviously, that's not that big of a deal, but the friendzones and everything over this year has not been ideal.

 

I've also put in alot of work in the gym. In August of 2018, I weighed in at 179.9lbs. Now, as of December 12th, 2019, I come in at 157.6lbs. As I'm still growing, it's not a main focus in life, but I've put on muscle and cut fat, and that makes me feel better. I've been more confident and I also have been able to talk to girls and they seem more interested in talking to me now. 

 

Ideally, for 2020 I want the stress gone. It almost hurts sometimes, it's painful. After Saturday, hopefully everything is better.

 

I also am grateful for my continued activity on this site. When it went down a few months ago, that was sad. Y'all are almost like family (some of you). I hope we all can recover from our problems and everyone (including I) have a great 2020.

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I started 2019 in Maui on my honeymoon, which was amazing. The rest of the year I can't say was as amazing as that was. Jan-May I was finishing up my first full year as a teacher (4th Grade) and it was as excepted, stressful. Extra stressful on top of the was the knowledge that I would be on the search for another teaching job again after the school year. I was looking for a new job from the day I got my notice I wasn't being retained by my district (had a one year contract so was expected and not a surprise at all) in March until August. During the summer I was living off my remaining teaching money for 3 months and couldn't really do anything other than look for work and hope I'd land a job. I had around 20 interviews this summer for teaching positions, mostly all upper elementary but a couple middle school social studies ones (three actually). I got a couple call backs and some I thought for sure that I was going to get. I didn't land a single one of them and the school year already stared. I got a call on the first day of school in my wifes district on a job that I clicked on without much thought, Elementary STEM teacher. I interviewed not with a principal but the districts leader for the science department. About 4 hours after my interview I got the offer for the position (at two schools, one where my wife also teachers and the other where I student taught). and started the second day of school. I absolutely love my new job. Its rewarding. Compared to other positions it is relatively stress free as far as teaching goes. This summer sucked but it all paid off (and the rumor I heard from my old mentor is that the teacher hired to teach the kids I had last year quit right away because they were so crazy and she couldn't handle it, which makes me feel less like crap about how hard last year was). Other than that my wife and I have just been getting used to the switch to married life, where apparently its just fine for people to ask when were going to have kids. My family suffered a big blow last month when my paternal grandfather passed away at 84. He was my namesake and we were very close so it's been a very hard month, but I'm looking forward to 2020 and hoping that I will receive the recommendation to keep my job again and I can become an even better educator.  

 

 

 

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